a prayer of a lifetime

Even for prayers, time must be the ultimate gatekeeper.

I wonder, if you could have only one prayer in your lifetime, what would it be?

In my teens I used to think that the more I spoke to the heavens, the closer I would be to it. Looking back, I recall offering trades of goodwill in exchange for instant answers in my favor, or even blabbering scattered thoughts until falling asleep. Religions and beliefs will point us to many “right” ways to pray.

Fast forward, after my humble share of experience navigating life with human senses that often feel limited in the area of faith, my prayers have turned into a prayer. Yet, from time to time, I question its worthiness. Does time still need to work on it?

I still struggle with black and whites, I carry a lot of confusions in the way of things (I’m even confused whether or not i should be confused), I often so easily flinch at the sight of suffering, and i have questions that might render me as proud.

The last prayer of Jesus before his crucifixion was for the Will to be done. I used to cite this with a bias toward a favorable outcome within my grasp. Aging seemed to bring this back to me. Now, with newfound weight: “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” 

To this day, I still think it’s the most personal prayer ever demonstrated- a confession of vulnerability and trust in the face of death, a prayer rooted to one’s calling. Sometimes it sounds terrifying, and other times, comforting. Will I ever understand it fully? Anyhow, I put my hope in it. December 29, 2024 | Manila Cathedral